Quick and Dirty
by Anonymonimus
Summary: Dipper has had enough with Bill sleeping around with different men and decides to fight fire with fire. It doesn't go very well. SMUT WARNING


Today had been a slow, lazy day which was fine every now and again. Dipper laid on the sofa with his head on Mabel's lap. He stared blankly at the ceiling while she tapped away on her phone – it was likely that she was messaging Pacifica. He had spent the whole day thinking. Most of his thoughts revolved around his relationship with Bill. To think that seven years ago, he had been fighting the demon to save Gravity Falls and the world and that they were now sex friends was insane. Had someone told him that would happen in less than a decade, not only would Dipper had been horrified – he _would_ have been twelve – but he wouldn't have believed it for a second.

However, it wasn't the drastic and uncalled for change in their relationship from mortal enemies to fuck buddies that bothered Dipper. The last time he and Bill had had sex, in the heat of the moment, they had kissed. It hadn't been his first kiss – Rebecca Williams had been the one to take it – but the young man still firmly believed the action should be reserved for those who were loved. Dipper only ever kissed the scarce people he dated because they had meant a lot to him and he, at the time, saw the possibility of a future with them. The gesture was symbolic and meaningful to him and lead him to wonder if he really just saw Bill as a friend with benefit or something more.

"You're frowning." Mabel stated and poked Dipper's forehead with a giggle, "Means you're using your noggin."

"Ha ha." Dipper laughed sarcastically and sat up.

"No, I mean it." Mabel insisted, "You always make the same frowny face when something's on your mind. What's up?"

"…Nothing." Dipper sighed after a moment of hesitation.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" Mabel smirked and repeatedly poked at her brother's side.

"Gah—stop! How old are you!?" Dipper snapped, shoving her hands away.

"Same as you, Mister Grumpy-Pants!" She grinned widely, "Now spill! Doctor Mabel's in the house!"

Dipper sighed again and leaned against the used sofa. "It's about…Bill…" He started.

"Oh! Relationship problems!" Mabel squealed, "This is, like, the girly-est thing you've ever done with me, brobro!"

"Do you want to hear what I have to say?" Dipper asked, already regretting having brought up anything.

"Yeah, sorry, go for it!" Mabel ushered.

"Right…" He continued, "Well…me and Bill…we've only—we're friends with benefits. I mean, sometimes he hangs out here but he's not my boyfriend. It's just physical, no feelings. But…I'm starting to wonder if that's still true."

"It probably is." Mabel said with a smile, "You saw all the movies, when do friends with benefits ever just stay that way?"

"But with _Bill_?" Dipper asked, emphasising on the demon's name.

"Honestly, Dipper," Mabel said, "He's pretty hot."

" _Mabel_!" Dipper exclaimed.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to steal him from you." She laughed, "Besides, I'm pretty sure he's only interested in guys."

"How do _you_ know? He's never mentioned anything like that to me." Dipper asked.

"He hasn't explicitly said it." Mabel said, "But whenever he talks about getting free stuff for sex, the people he ropes in are only ever men."

"That's…true…" He acknowledged.

"Speaking of that," Mabel said, "Does that bother you? That he just bangs other people for stuff?"

"At first it did because I was worried about STDs," Dipper explained, "But now I think it just makes me…sort of…mad."

"Aww!" Mabel said and pulled her brother into a hug, "Maybe you should talk with him then? Tell him to stop."

"I actually did before." Dipper admitted, "You know, because of the STD thing, he said it didn't bother him because he was immortal and was pretty sure he could use some of his magic to get rid of it."

"Then how about you do it again but talk about your feelings?" Mabel suggested.

"No." Dipper answered quickly but sternly. "There's no way I'm admitting anything to that guy."

"But don't you want to date him?" Mabel asked.

"No I don't!" Dipper snapped and he could feel his cheeks redden, "He's a _demon_ and an asshole! It doesn't matter how hot he is, he tried to destroy the world and enslave humanity! And some sister you are trying to convince me to date him!"

"I thought it might help you relax a bit." Mabel said with a smile, "You're way too serious, Dipper. Bill's kind of insane but he's also very relaxed. He's the yin to your yang!"

"If I go out and date someone, it won't be a demon!" Dipper stubbornly stated. "It'll be someone normal, _human_. And Bill's not even my type."

"Un-hun." Mabel agreed sarcastically and rolled her eyes.

"What? What's that supposed to mean?" Dipper frowned.

"Bill's totally your type." Mabel argued, "You always go after the sort of _bad girls_ or _bad boys_! Like, if I'm being honest here, Wendy wasn't the best role model for us at all but you were still head over heels for her. She was cool, she had an _I don't care_ attitude, and she spent most of her time doing whatever she wanted."

"Are you really comparing _Bill_ to Wendy?" Dipper asked incredulously, " _Bill's insane!_ "

"It can't be that big of a turn off since you _are_ sleeping with him." Mabel pointed out.

Dipper opened his mouth but couldn't think of a clever retort. "Touché." He settled on begrudgingly. "I'm still not going to date him."

"Then what are you going to do?" Mabel asked. "You're just going to let him sleep around with other people?"

"No." Dipper said as a devious idea popped up in his mind. "I'm going to give him a taste of his own medicine. I'm going to find myself someone else _I_ can sleep with."

"That's not going to solve anything." Mabel sighed.

"It's poetic justice!" Dipper insisted, "And I don't think he's going to care anyways."

"Then why are you going to do it?" Mabel asked in exasperation.

"The whole point of friends with benefits is to have someone to have sex with until you find someone else. Someone you're ready to have a committed relationship with." Dipper reminded, "I'm going to look for someone to date seriously that isn't a triangular demon."

"Technically, Bill's human now so that description doesn't apply to him anymore." Mabel added.

"Doesn't matter!" Dipper declared and jumped off the couch.

* * *

Dipper made his way into town the next day. He had told Bill to not come over the night before and was actually surprised the demon listened. It was very rare for Bill to do anything anyone else wanted. Even if he was considerably weaker now, he was still immortal and had some degree of power so anyone smart shouldn't take him so lightly. Regardless, Dipper reasoned the demon had probably found himself another man to fuck in exchange for goods and services. A part of him was starting to regret ever having exposed Bill to the magical world of sex.

Dipper walked around the streets pointlessly. He thought about going to the bar but he was still underage and there was no way the bouncer would let him in. He was also very afraid of the man in question and rather not take his chances. So Dipper kicked a pebble from the side walk and into the road as he trudged around. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and kept his head down. The plan was easier said than done, as he soon realized.

Just when he was about to give up and go back to the Mystery Shack, a stranger literally ran into Dipper. The two fell on the ground and whatever the other man was carrying was scattered all around them. They got to their feet slowly, Dipper rubbing his sore arm.

"H-hey, are you alright, man?" The guy asked, "I'm so, _so_ sorry! I didn't see you and I was in a hurry and I—"

"It's fine…" Dipper said awkwardly, "My arm hurts a little but it's not that bad—"

Dipper interrupted himself, having finally looked over the stranger. He was just a few inches taller than he was and seemed to be about his age. But more importantly, the guy was hot as hell. He sort of reminded Dipper a bit of Mermando what with his black hair, beautifully dark skin, and charming gap between his two front teeth. He couldn't help but think that if he ever dated him, it would probably annoy Bill. Dipper frowned, he reminded himself he wasn't doing this to get back at the demon as much as it was to find an actual boyfriend or girlfriend.

"—you?" The stranger finished with a kind smile and his hand extended. His smile quickly vanished, however, and he suddenly seemed worried, "You're…you're not angry, are you?"

"What?" Dipper stuttered dumbly. He hadn't realized the man had been talking for a short moment. "No, sorry, I just…zoned out."

"Oh, well, my name's Victor Jr but you can call me Junior." He repeated, "What about you?"

"Uh, Dipper. Dipper Pines." Dipper said and flashed a smile. He began to feel nervous now that he was about to make an effort to flirt with Junior.

"Dipper?" He repeated with a playful grin, "That's a strange name."

"It's a nickname." The former explained, "My real name's kind of…extremely lame."

Junior laughed and was about to say something when a blue portal opened up above them and swallowed him whole. It had happened so fast, Dipper barely had a chance to react. He had no clue what had caused the portal nor how he was supposed to get Junior back and explain everything to him. Things, however, settled themselves quickly when an angry, floating, blond human hovered down from the rip in the space time continuum. Bill frowned and glared at Dipper with his arms folded tightly against his chest.

"Damn it, Bill!" Dipper barked, "What did you do to him!?"

"I shipped him off to a different universe." Bill growled lowly, "One inhabited by lava-people who really love hugging strangers."

Dipper groaned and slapped his hand over his face. "Bring him back right now!" he demanded.

"No!" Bill retorted back stubbornly.

" _Bill!_ " Dipper hissed.

"You'll just keep flirting with him!" The demon snapped.

"I wasn't even flirting with him to begin!" Dipper stated, "I was literally just telling him my name!"

"But you _wanted_ to and that's just as bad!" Bill shouted.

"What does it even matter to you!?" Dipper yelled back in annoyance, "Just go screw some eye doctor but bring Junior back first!"

Bill's face turned red with anger as he let out his typical high pitched sound of frustration. He did nothing for a moment other than maintain Dipper's stare but eventually, he complied. With a snap of his fingers, the blue portal spat out Junior who seemed utterly panicked but relieved all at once. He still screamed like a terrorized child when his gaze landed on Bill and Dipper before running off without picking up the things he had previously dropped.

"Damn it…" Dipper grumbled to himself and threw his head back in exasperation. "Why are you even here?"

"I went by the Mystery Shack and you weren't there." Bill said evenly though his voice dripped with anger. "I saw Mabel and she told me you went out looking for a potential boyfriend or girlfriend."

"Mabel…!" Dipper rumbled to himself before addressing himself to the bothersome demon again. "Well thanks for completely terrorizing _that_ candidate."

Bill glared harder at Dipper when he suddenly lost his composure and tackled him. Dipper braced himself for the inevitable painful collide with the concrete but was surprise to feel a soft mattress instead. He then realized Bill had teleported them back to his room.

"Bill—"

"You're _mine_ , Pine Tree!" Bill growled as he straddled his hips. "I won't let you replace me!"

"Replace?—Bill, you weren't even my boyfriend to begin with!" Dipper argued. He tried sitting up but the demon shoved him back down.

"I don't care!" Bill shouted, "You're not allowed to have sex with anyone _but_ me!"

The tone in the demon's voice made Dipper's heart skip a beat and had an undeniable effect on his lower regions. He gulped heavily, trying to control his hormones and keep his anger up. He had a reason to be angry more than Bill did, as he kept reminding himself. Something really good could have come out of that encounter with Junior but he had gone and mucked it all up just because he was unjustifiably jealous.

"And how is that the least bit fair!?" Dipper schooled, "You can go and have sex with whoever you want for no reason but if I want an _actual_ relationship, I'm not allowed! That's fucked up, Bill!"

"How am I supposed to get your stupid human commodities otherwise!?" Bill defended.

"Uh, I don't know, maybe get a job!" Dipper snarled.

"Where am I supposed to get one of those!?" Bill argued.

It was hard for Dipper not to notice just how hot Bill was when utterly pissed off. The red on his face complimented his features the same way a blush did. God, a part of him just wanted to fuck him senseless out of sheer ire.

"Anywhere with a fucking _Help Wanted_ sign!" Dipper barked, "For Christ's sake, Bill! It's not rocket science! I could even have hooked you up for a job in the Shack!"

"Well, then I guess I just didn't know!" Bill concluded heatedly.

"Great, now get off me-!" Dipper demanded irritably but was pushed down again just as he tried to move up. "Bill!"

"You're just going to go flirt with some other people!" The demon called out.

"So what?" Dipper asked with his teeth gritted together in a mix of frustration and exasperation.

"So I don't want you to." Bill stated.

"And you're going to stop me?" Dipper sneered, but despite his smugness he was slightly unnerved by his steadily growing erection.

"You want me to?—" Bill asked as he sat back on Dipper's crotch and moved his hips ever so slightly to make the other moan.

Dipper bit his lip and resisted the urge to make a sound. However, at least he knew where things were headed and he felt less embarrassed by the anger-boner in his pants. "Yeah…" He answered breathily, raising his hands to Bill's hips only to have them be slapped away.

He didn't even have time to question the action because the demon smashed their lips together aggressively. The action made Dipper's pants tighten considerably and Bill yelp at the spontaneous yet drastic growth of the former's girth. However that did little to interrupt the kiss and rather just provided Dipper with the opportunity to slip his tongue in the other's mouth. Bill tried to fight back but couldn't muster the strength to take control and so abandoned himself to the pleasure his human offered.

They continued to kiss until Dipper had to pull away for air. While he caught his breath, Bill stripped himself of his shirt, throwing it carelessly on the floor, and then lifted himself to remove his pants. Dipper also removed his shirt and was just about to relieve himself of his pants when the demon stopped him again with a heated gaze.

"You let _me_ do this." He ordered.

Dipper had half a mind to ignore the command but ultimately didn't. He would see where Bill would take their escapade.

The demon casted his pants in the same approximate direction as his shirt before moving on to fiddle with Dipper's zipper. He released the brunet's erection from its tight confines and brought his pants down to his ankles. He just couldn't bother with taking them completely off and it wasn't like the other was complaining.

Dipper got himself comfortable, expecting a certain degree of foreplay – potentially a hand job or a blowjob but was surprised when Bill just spat on his fingers. He watched the demon coat his saliva on all three digits before reaching around and probing his entrance. Dipper watched, completely mesmerised by the gorgeous man straddling him as he teased his puckered entrance before pushing in a finger. He had never watched Bill stretch himself for his cock like that and the effect it had on him was undeniable – it almost took away all of Dipper's self-control.

Bill's cheeks thus became pink with lust as little moans escaped his mouth while he finger-fucked himself. Dipper watched greedily, resting his hands on the blond man's thighs and waited rather impatiently. There had hardly been any times were he and Bill had gone straight to sex without having done at least one other thing beforehand.

"You like what you see, kid?" Bill smirked between quiet mewls and breathy moans.

"Yeah, I do." Dipper whispered huskily and leaned up to kiss the other's bare chest, "And I'm going to fuck you _hard_."

Bill bit his lip but an excited whimper still escaped from his throat. "W-well it won't be like the other times!" Bill stated and shoved Dipper back against the mattress, " _I'm_ in control this time!"

Dipper blinked in genuine surprise but then smiled excitedly. It was going to be far more fun than he initially envisioned.

"Fine." Dipper replied as coolly as he could.

He leaned back and watched as Bill finished stretching himself with three fingers. When he finished, he spat in his hand one more time to add more makeshift lubricant to his stretched entrance. Then he aligned himself and with a shaking breath, lowered himself onto Dipper's purpling erection. Dipper held in his breath and only let it out, accompanied with a groan, when Bill bottomed out completely. He'd never reached so far into the demon before and it felt so good to be taken so deeply.

Dipper barely had a moment to get used to the pressure squeezing his dick when Bill began to move. He was sure the latter still needed some time to adjust properly and was likely hurting himself a little. Even if Bill did find pain arousing, it worried Dipper. But the worry flew out of his head fairly quickly because of the pleasure coursing through his body. It was also hard to keep common sense around when Bill made the sounds he did as he fucked himself on Dipper's rock hard cock.

The demon threw his head back, a hand resting on Dipper's stomach while the other reached behind to hold his thigh. His movements were slow and every now and again he would grind down so perfectly it drove the brunet nuts. Dipper found himself clutching the sheets beneath him quickly and fighting the moans desperately wanting to leave his mouth. He didn't know why he just didn't abandon himself so completely to the ecstasy but perhaps it was because he was still angry to some degree with Bill.

That being said, Bill didn't seem to care. He was so engulfed in his own pleasure that Dipper might as well not have existed in that moment. He bit his lip, darkening the flesh, between languid cries and whimpers as he continuously impaled himself at his leisure. His eyes were closed but a frown still appeared on his face as he concentrated so fully on his actions and the bliss they brought.

However, after a moment, Dipper was beginning to lose his patience. The pace Bill had decided to take was too slow for his liking and only felt like a tease at the given point. He still remembered the demon wanting total control and so testily bucked his hips upwards just as the blond sank down. Bill's eyes snapped open as a surprised yelp interrupted his pleasurable moan. He seemed confused until Dipper repeated his gesture at which point he forced disapproval.

"H-hey! Stop that!" Bill snapped.

Dipper only smirked and moved his hips again, increasing the speed, "Make me." He challenged.

Bill was taken aback by the words and didn't know how to react. It gave Dipper the opportunity to take a more proactive role in the fucking. He placed his hands on the demon's hips and planted a firm grip as he began guiding the movements all the while thrusting upwards. Surprised gasps and moans began leaving Bill's bruised lips. He struggled to retake control but the lack of knowhow and motivation in the face of such pleasure was too great.

The quiet moans and groans that had filled the room quickly became cries and shouts of utter bliss mixed with the sound of skin slapping together. The pace of their fucking had increased so much that Bill struggled to hold himself upright. He leaned forward, planting his hands on either side of Dipper as he attempted to the best of his abilities to keep up. And after half a dozen perfect thrusts, Bill came untouched with Dipper following soon after.

Bill collapsed on his human, breathing heavily. His head rested on Dipper's chest and he could hear the sound of his heart beating against his chest as it slowed to its natural rhythm. The sound of it almost lulled him to sleep until the brunet nudged him gently. "Bill, get off." He said.

"Mm…no." Bill replied lazily, nuzzling his head against Dipper's chest to find a more comfortable position. "I'm comfortable."

"Well I'm not." Dipper stated, "I've got your sticky cum on my stomach and mine is about to leak out your ass and make a mess."

"I don't care." Bill stated stubbornly.

"I'll push you off, Bill." Dipper warned.

"Yeah, right—" He snorted but then barely finished his sentence when Dipper shoved him to the mattress. "You're so unromantic!"

"I don't see what's so romantic in being covered in cum." Dipper smirked, slipped off the bed and kicked off his pants. He was thankful there was a bathroom tied to his room, it avoid awkward walks after late-night _fun_ so to speak. "Besides, I don't have to be romantic with you. We're not dating."

Bill suddenly became unnaturally quiet. Dipper expected the blond to have a retort at the ready and was perplexed when nothing was said. He stopped to look back at the demon who had propped himself up on his forearms and stared at Dipper with a strangely serious expression and a small blush on his cheeks.

"How…how about we change that?" Bill suggested.

Dipper's jaw dropped open. "Wh…what?" he asked, not quite believing his ears.

"I want to date." Bill said with more conviction. "I want us to date."

Dipper simply squinted in disbelief. He knew he heard Bill properly that time but he still couldn't quite believe he was serious. "Okay…" Dipper said slowly and the demon seemed offended by the response.

"Okay? That's all you have to say?" Bill practically snapped.

"I'm waiting for the condition." Dipper admitted. "What's the deal?"

"The deal is you date me and you're not allowed to date anyone else." Bill stated with mild irritation.

"Okay, I would also like to add," Dipper started, "That if I say yes, you also aren't allowed to have sex with anyone who isn't me."

"Deal." Bill said and stuck his hand out but no blue flame consumed it.

Dipper took a step forward and carefully reached to meet it. Bill then suddenly grabbed it and pulled him into a kiss.

"You better get me that job you promised, Pine Tree."


End file.
